Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Story: Watching from the Wall



The rumor of his coming hurried before him. Hector was returned to the city, weary from the heat of battle. Anxious wives and mothers pressed upon him, asking for news of loved ones, but he had none to give and bid them only pray. Hecuba waited with bated breath and a fearful heart for her eldest son to arrive at the steps of the palace.

“Why are you come, my son? What brings you from the battle? Have a seat. I will bid them fetch wine.”

But he shook her off. “Nay, woman. I cannot tarry or cloud my head. I have only come to fetch Paris and summon him back to the front where he belongs, and then I must return. Mother, I could almost wish that Menelaus had killed him, for the evil he has brought upon Troy, or better yet, that he had never been born. His dishonor dishonors us all.”

And he was gone, swift on his errand. Hecuba followed him with her eyes, praying for both her sons, and feeling the truth of his words, and lamenting for the rift between her children.

Once he had disappeared, she turned toward the wall where she knew Priam to be watching the fray, and made her way towards him, to while away the endless hours together. He glanced at her with weary eyes and reached for her hand, then turned back to look down from the turret.

“What news did Hector bring from the front?”

“None that we did not know: only that our younger son is a coward who must be fetched in order to fight in the battle he himself brought upon us,” she replied emptily.

Priam did not respond, but his expression soured as he scoured the fields. And there was Hector at the gate! And there again, shortly thereafter, was Paris, to rejoin his men. And there stood the king and queen of Troy in silence, watching their people and their sons, as the battle wore on.

Hecuba had felt the anguish of battle many times over: the constant throb of terror, the exhilaration as Trojans surged forward, nausea as they were beaten back. Her spent nerves muted it all to a dull ache, and she watched for hours, unfeelingly. Then he came. Achilles had reentered the fray, and she felt afresh a horror for her sons, as even Hector fled before him. And Sarpedon, a fool to stand and fight, had fallen before him! And there was Hector again, to recover noble Sarpedon’s body. Hecuba felt dismay and pride writhing within her, as one screamed at Hector to flee and the other to hold his ground. And Achilles slew man after man, but now he stumbled, and his helmet had fallen to the ground. And there was Hector, spearing Achilles to the dust, and his mother gave a triumphant cry, “Rejoice, oh King, for Achilles is fallen!”

But Priam shook his head. “Twas Patroclus. A mighty man was he, but not so mighty as Achilles.”

And her heart fell, and they returned to the watch. But now a battle raged over the body of Patroclus, and yet another mighty warrior appeared. The Greeks gave a great cry, and Hecuba’s heart lurched, knowing that no man but Achilles could be so great and masterful. Priam groaned lowly, then called a guard. He said “Bid them keep the lower gate open, that our men may find sanctuary behind the walls if they need.”

And indeed the need was great. Achilles routed the Trojans before him, and soon they streamed through the gate in a whelming flood. And once it seemed that all were inside, in great confusion and haste they prepared to close the gates, without waiting or caring to see that all were safe.

But Priam cried out with his hands towards the gate, “My son, my son, do not think to battle this man, for he will slay you! Go into the city, and preserve her hope!” He had seen Hector waiting at the gate, preparing to challenge the great Achilles, and Hecuba wailed, “My child, have mercy on me! Do not wait for him, my pride and my joy!” but she saw that he would not be moved, and she collapsed, and would not lift up her eyes, and heard the slam of the gate. She heard the crowd roaring, and Priam gasped out, “He flees, and Achilles is pursuing, faster than a hawk pursues a field mouse.” It seemed that she lay there for endless hours, and then a great cheer went up from the city and she could no longer bear it. Hecuba opened her eyes and turned to watch, and there, wonder of wonders, was Deïphobus, standing with Hector! Hope sprang back into her chest as they stood to face the great foe. Achilles launched his spear, but missed. Hector’s aim was true, but Achilles deflected the spear with his shield, and now Hector cried for another. But, Deïphobus was gone, and along with him hope! Indeed he had never been there, for Athena had cheated Hecuba’s son, appearing to him as a friend. And Achilles rushed at Hector like a lion, and Hector met him, and Hector fell.

His mother’s mind turned dark, and she dropped to the ground. Her son, her son, her pride and her joy.
(Achilles Slays Hector, by Peter Paul Rubens)

Author's Note:  This is based on the Iliad.  I haven't changed the actual events very much, other than cutting some things out in order to compress the narrative a bit.  The main difference is in my focus.  The original Iliad keeps its focus primarily on Hector, Achilles, or the primary battle.  We know of Hector's parents only as they relate to him (at least from what I read).  I wanted to focus in on them a bit more, because it seemed to me that their position was heartbreaking.  Their sons are going to this awful battle that one of them caused through his own greed and foolishness, and their better son turns to fight the greatest warrior of the age.  They think him to be rescued by a friend, but then the friend disappears and their hope is gone.  That sounds confusing and horrible.



11 comments:

  1. I love how switching the POV does so much to change the focus here, and how narrating from Hecuba’s perspective gives a new viewpoint to the battle that’s more objective in one way (easier to tell what’s going on, battle-wise, from this overhead distance), but even more emotionally subjective (being from a mother’s point-of-view and all). I also like how your narrative style here feels perfectly in-line with the tone and voice of these old stories, but is still modern enough to be engaging. Maybe because of Hecuba’s emotional connection and the spectator view of battle, I connected with this much more than I usually do with these kinds of stories—I really enjoyed this one.

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  2. I had to translate the Iliad for my Latin class in high school so I was interested to see how you were going to change the story. You did a great job condensing the story. I really enjoyed the narrative! I liked how you focused on the parents more. Even though I knew the story prior to your Author’s Note, it was informative and would be really helpful to other students reading your story who might not know much about the original version!

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  3. Maria, I enjoyed your version/change to the Iliad. I also picked the ill-advised as one of my future stories to read in this class. Reading your story has already given me ideas for when I read it. I enjoyed how you swiftly changed point of view throughout the story and I thought your setting was clearly setup. I always appreciate this as it helps me to envision your story. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to more of your posts.

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  4. Maria, I enjoyed your version of the Iliad. I was a reader who was unfortunately not super familiar with the original version, however, your story and authors note allowed me to better understand the storyline and the strategic changes you made. Your language and voice you used to write your story was appropriate for the piece and the time frame the Iliad was originally written in. I was impressed by your grammar and the creative writing techniques found within your post. Great job, looking forward to reading more of your stories in the future.

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  5. I really liked how you switched the vantage point here, especially with how the story ends up with a focus on Priam after Hector's death. I read this story for this week, as well, and I wondered then and wonder now after reading your take why his parents were upon the wall simply watching the battle rage on? With this point of view, it seems as though they are sitting aimlessly watching their child and his men be slaughtered. What if his father were to come to his aid? Or his parents contribute to the Trojan effort in some way, if they are to stay upon the top of the wall where they are. Again, I really enjoyed your flip of POV here, it's a great take on this story which can be hard to make your own!

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  6. Maria,
    Great job with this story. I am completely unfamiliar with the original, but I can still tell you made this your own yet stuck to the original as well. You did a great job and I really enjoyed reading it, you have good writing skills. Changing something about the story makes it interesting for the reader and you did a good job of that here.

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  7. Hi Maria,
    I am impressed that you managed to come up with a creative composition based on the Illiad. I had to read it in high school and it was extremely challenging to follow at times. The way you changed it and made it interesting was amazing! You are a very strong writer. I can't wait to read more of your work!

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  8. Maria, I read this story back when it was part of the assigned readings for the week and I have to say, you made it MUCH more exciting than I thought it was the first time around. I love reading stories where the perspective has shifted; I really feel like that allows us to get a deeper understanding of the story itself. That's how I write most of my stories for this class, in fact! I loved your story, great job!

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  9. I really like your use of dialog. I think you do a really good job incorporating it into your story. Overall your story flows really well and it was fun to read! Your attention to detail really brings out the best parts of the story and it creates a vivid image in my mind. The only advice I would give is to maybe separate the paragraphs when there is a quote so that it is easy to understand. Great job!

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  11. Hey Maria! I actually love the Iliad. I had to read it in high school for humanities and was completely intrigued by it all. You actually did really good of following the story. As for your writing, you did a great job of compressing the story but still having smooth flow. I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes. Great job.

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